


Malfunction Junction

by NicoleAnell



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003), Community
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-08
Updated: 2011-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-14 13:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoleAnell/pseuds/NicoleAnell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brittabot is a Cylon. Semi-crack set during "Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Malfunction Junction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlueDiamond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueDiamond/gifts).



Before leaving the Cave of Frozen Memories, Brittabot feels the need to listen to all six and a half minutes of "Paranoid Android" three times in a row. In her Sony discman. From 1998. She luckily keeps a copy of OK Computer in her robot purse.

The meaning of "self-destruct" doesn't occur to her until the cave collapses, and moments later she finds herself in a bathtub covered in goo.

Brittabot does not _expect_ to find herself suddenly awake and sticky -- hell, that sounds like the end to an _entirely_ different fantasy world (though it could also conceivably involve Troy, Jeff, and various costumes, _what no ignore that_ ). The Cylons seem just as surprised to have a spare of her model lying around, little blue helmet and ball-and-socket armatures and all. "Um..." she says. Then looking down, with almost as much bewilderment, "Abed kicked me out of the Christmas special."

"I see," says the short guy wearing teal. An Asian girl shrugs at him helplessly, shaking her head.

The goo is clogging up her claws-for-hands, difficult to work with as they already are. "Can I get outta this stuff?" she asks, and one of the metal-looking rowboat cops helps her up and offers her a towel.

She returns to Radiohead at her earliest convenience, hoping to find some meaning in the fact her discman resurrected along with her. ( _Dead technology my ass_ , she'll maybe need an iPod in five years; she needs boots and an associate degree from an eighth-tier college NOW. Priorities.) Eventually her Thom Yorke-accompanied crying captures the attention of a Cylon, who -- unlike the others -- does not instantly write her off as a poseur. Caprica-Six, being rather compassionate to broken machines and humans alike, takes a seat next to her.

"I understand," Caprica tells her, patting her claymation shoulder. "It hurts to be left alone." Brittabot gives a tiny nod, her limbs still sagging in defeat. "It hurts to love someone," Caprica goes on. "And harm them without meaning to."

"Oh, GOD," Brittabot groans, to which Caprica briefly shows a tiny smile at the (mistaken) impression that Brittabot is a fan. "I was only trying to help." Caprica understands this more than anything; she misses Boomer.

The Cylon weakly attempts to comfort her for trying, for doing her best with faulty programming, but now Brittabot sinks further into despair and starts declaring herself a "wall of fail." In fact, she claims she's "an entire house, a renovated 18th century mansion of fail, with faily bay windows and a... big..." (she is hiccuping and waving her tiny metal arms at this point) "garden outside where they harvest the extra fail for the winter."

Caprica pauses until she's finished before gently moving on. "Wait," she says, her eyebrows knitted with intrigue, " _who_ did you kill?"

Brittabot may have been a tad overdramatic about the carols.


End file.
